so irresponsible. you didn't on your phone to help edit. And tomorrow you're prob gonna say you didn't see. but its not fair.

urgh annoying shitzxczxczxczczxczxczxc (hahaahha felt like it!)

):

one word reply = lack of concern (well, most of the time)

you are as on and off as me.

just realised how annoying it can be

but heck D< I'm annoyed now.

urgh

omgosh i studied soooo many chinese words. ;ooooo feel so accomplished!

heehee

yay okay happy now. Hehhehehe but oh manz tomorrow's gonna be long (long-er than usual mondays cos of history and math extra lessons D<)

hope tomorrow turns out well! (:

annoyed.

If I always ask you questions about your opinions, it simply means I look up to you and want to emulate your behavior. But it's not too good to be 100% morally right all the time. You gotta adjust according to the situation. I learnt today.

I am tired. My experience at the library was pretty fun! Gonna ask my volunteer friends to tell me more about their experiences at the library.

you know what. actually i'm getting really sleepy right now so i'll just end off soon.

i like talking to you. I feel sorry that you are (kind of!) forgotten for someone else. i want to befriend you well. I'm not doing it well. My other friends just are in doubt about everything. I don't know how you feel. I shouldn't probe into your life.

I'll think more about this after eyas.

oh i just rememebered some stuff i originally wanted to post about in school. but i'm too tired. i'll do it when i remember.

ciao!

Hmmm are we getting closer.

Or is our friendship getting weirder?

I prob won't answer that. I realised something. When lots of things are on my mind, I tend to end questions with full stops, honest I noticed this many times recently. It's true! 0; I can't deicide whether you're real or fake. It's not nice to judge based on past experiences (since technically i'm supposed to forgive and forget?!) but I really don't know.
-

Hahahahaha discussed this with nicole. I'm pretty sure _______ has a crush on _______. Hahahaha so weird and ewww. Like seriously (ewww!) No, I'm not talking about senior crushing or teacher crushing. Lol.

-

Another thing! Hmm okay some people think I'm really dumb. (I'm not saying I'm very smart either!) But it's very frustrating. And I don't really like it. (cos technically you're being so naiive as to think I'm that dumb) I saw your face when you asked me what I thought about ____________ being ____________ recently. You gave me this weird that prob means, 'Lysha is being blahblahblah again' Okay am i being immature again? I hate the fact that I'm constantly being judged byevery single sentence of ky blog. Kpsht.

But honestly, I really like friends who appear to have upright values (in my eyes at least!) I try to be close friends with such people, cos it's good influence for both parties. I just forget that you're not always 100% right. I think I'm being psyched (!?!?! how to spell man)  into thinking so. It's scary. I take a while to realise you're not always right. Even though you're one of the most morally right person i know.

-

on a much brighter note, i'll post more positive stuff in my next post!

Kekeke

I am so annoyed. Why are the plastic sheets folded. gosh

my sis is ranting at me now.

wtv bye

I AM SO EMBARRASSED! ):

Omgosh I am so embarrassed.

I was at the vending machine, buying a sandwich.

A senior was playing around so thinking I had worn shorts,

she raised the back of my pinafore damn high.

And I wasn't wearing shorts

oh the JOY

For the people behind me.

Another senior saw some unpleasant stuff

i am so embarrassed!

Why do these things always happen to me?

-

next thing on my mind:

I was open to a friend today. And guess what? I got judged. Ahh well, it happens. But i'm trying not to be affected by it/ showing any feelings towards it. It's not her fault anyway. It's mine. I don't feel like elaborating though I have more to say.

-------------------------------

I showed an ugly side to a friend and guess what? Another friend showed me herrrr ugly side. You have to be soooo selfish. and competitive. and hypocritical. and omgosh i feel bad saying these but it's true! Why are you so afraid to raise up your hand when the teacher asks who got the question correct. Is this some advanced kiasu-ness skill?!???! Was really shocked today, honest.

Another thing. If you want to know what I wrote on my paper for notes, just ask me please! Don't have to secretly peer at my paper and all that. Its so embarrassing for you! and me! I feel so ashamed to be friends with such a competitive person who doesn't have the guts to ask me what i wrote down (maybe she doesn't want to appear any less smart) but you have to secretly look at my paper.
-------------------------------

RS Presentation was ok ok today. Room for improvement but not as scary as I thought it would be. Happy overall.

------------------------------

moving on to something ultra embarrassing! ):

PS: Don't try to guess who I'm talking about. Your guess is probably wrong anyway! Hahaha, honest. You'll be shocked! D<

super sucky day

Today was honestly super sucky. (Not because of RS, other stuff)

Okay I'm sooooo confused and annoyed. I hate this stage of my life now. I can't stand it. I'm just so annoyed that no one takes me seriously. I'm so glad to have had such a comforting conversation with a veryveryvery good friend last night. But I'm still so sad. They don't get me, idk why. They think I'm always being :

1) selfish
2) jealous
3) attention seeking

etc. all that kind of stuff. Its so sad really. I think it's because I've been to joke-y (!?!?) when I was younger. But its so frustrating I can break down even if I start talking about it. I'm know that even when I post this I'm going to be judged an all but at this stage, I really cannnnnn't take it anymore. They're all the older kids, so they don't know what it's like to be the younger kid. )<

She falsely accused me of being selfish to my sister. But i wasn't. I really don't need these distractions right now, when EYAs are coming! but in the end, it is always my fault, bcos I live under her roof and its all hers and her money. I have no say, now at least.

I'm sooo glad to have found someone who understands me (Sorry i won't state names). Really, i feel way better after talking to you. Thank you so much! (:

----------------------------------

moving on to my next post. don't want too long posts. it'll lagggg

-.- why am i wasting time doing that.

its the hard part anyway.

but i don't mind.

i'm just frustrated.

and

whatever.

bye

indices +.+

omgosh i finally finished the asdfghjkl math worksheets.

today we had the counsellor talking to us during hall assembly. She's pretty good, I think (but who am I to judge). She brought up many interesting things.
 Under achieving VS Over- expecting
 Hahahaha Failure= postponing success.
Personal issues.

Tbh, none of them really matched me like 100% but I'm sure I could relate to bits from the different stuffs she mentioned. But it was a good presentation. Quite engaging, little text in slides etc.

Had a very interesting conversation with Louise today. Gosh I still can't believe itttttttttttt. I never will.

Not going to bring it up here (sensitive + controversial topic) I do not want to cause riots etc. trololol

------

Gosh why am i still so immature? Hahaha its quite funny actually, I was talking about how sad I was about my parents getting my sis something and not buying it for me then I think i let my emotions get the better of me and my eyes began to tear up. Arrrrrh what is wrong with me? Its funny when I think of that but very scary at the same time. Hahahah never mind, maybe its some youngest child syndrome thinggi.

------

Talked to 2 friends about privatising my blog. Will probably do that! Thannnks louiseandsookmay  (not sure if i'm allowed to mention your names, haven't gotten your permission)

I don't know why but in this stage of my life, I feel I'm falling so much behind others. I'm so not getting more matured. Or wiser. Kpsshtttt

i'll just have to wait i guessssss

byeeeee!

Always laugh while you can. Its the cheapest medicine.

OMGOSH so true! That's what I always do. I laugh at almost everything.

Its dumb (youmightsay) but effective.

#

I'M IN HTE MOOD TO REFLECT.

What I can't stand, is people telling me what to do. But really, I get super mad!  )<
Okay so this is -somewhat- the scenario that happened.

Me; Ahhh I need to go for CES.
X: Please lah don't lie you don't need it.
Me: I'm serious, I don't really understand.
X: Don't lie lah.

HOFFFFFFFFGOODNESS. That really (!!!!!) pissed me off. Nobody has the right to tell me what I need/ don't need. Why would I want to go for CES if I don't need it? Stop assuming okay? The only reason why you're acting this way is bcos you always undersestimate me and now that i've proven you wrong, you get so paranoid, as if you can't believe this happened (??!?!) Give me a break okay. I don't keep rambling on about how smart I am right? I'm not like you and I don't want to. (okay omgosh while typing this, i'm kind of laughing at myself, hahaha I sound so immature) #justsaying. Well, what do you expect me to say. But really nobody has the right to make decisions on my behalf. I know myself the best. You're not even my mum -.-
Okay i feel so embarrassed now. I sound stupid, like a complain queen. Arh well heck! D<

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I like your thinking. I discovered that some people have such mindblowing thinking. You may not be that smart in academics, but you're definitely an active thinker. (Not saying anyone is specific. Its general) I'm so amazed.
I was soooo amazed at DebT. Wow she can come up with examples to support her claim in like a split second. The rest were good toooo! ;D

Getting more and more tired.

bye,

Finished printing a whole load of stuff, my surat and munifa's p&c stuff

Contemplating whether to continue doing work or to sleeep now.

I'll go pack my bag first then make the decisionnnnn.

Tata,
and maybe goodnight ;D

Yayayayay at least i'm done with draft 1 ;D Still have other homeworkkkzxc.

Tired and a but sian for tomorrow, don't know why also. Oh i just wanted to say that i wasn't talking about one person straight in my previous post. it was a series of people (changes whenever i enter a new line)

Sorry for the disorganised thoughts and confusion.

@Louise: Nuuuu I'm not talking about youuuuu! (: Heehehhehe

Okay going back to kill myself a bit more. Will blog later after doing some other hwssss/

omgosh found the pic my dad drew of me. Hahahahha must admit, looks like me. but that was in p4- ish ahahhaha.

-

In csp class now, breakkkkk! ;D Kekekekkeke today's cmps was soooo D'awwwwwwww ♥ The kids all came again. Hahahhah will really miss them. Esp, terrence, akram and arghhh they're sooo cutee.

So I've happened posted in awhile. Not gonna say why.

Yay i think you've come back to normal. I think.

Just when I thought you were the only person who couldn't piss me off, you did. Was soooo shocked But arh well i'm sure i was already annoyed before that. So its not your fault!

OMGOSH the rest are soo erm. weird. hahahah why are they being fools?! (Okay gah im hoping they never see thisss. )

NeeeeeeeeddtobuckkkkkkkkupD<

Well overall i'm tired. Hope tomorrow will be a good day too ;D

OKAY BREAK OVER.
Laterrrrrrr.

#ciao

So mad at myselfffffff O<

tumblrr

omg haven't been on tumblr for a real long time.

ilovetumbrl.

its like you see something and go ikr. </3


awwww.


still looking through the photos don't see anything that really appeals to my blog.

BUT i really want to change my blogskin. (i had it for almost 4 months now. but i still <3 it) but i want some changee


nah nothing worthy. gonna sleep.

oh btw, i didn't write this post at a go. i wrote a bit then went on tumblr and repeated that. I'm not mad okay

oh no im scared you're mad at me. Bcos of what I post. Sorry lah. I didn't think before acting. Its bad, I know. I must stop this. I'm being such a lousy friend. And I'm prob making things worse.

Hopefully we can still work together next year.

Went to reetika's house in the morning. For csi. cos dropbox freaking doesn't work on any of the computers in my house and neither does power director. Somehow i could feel hatred weighing me down like for not uploading the videos so I hate to find a solution asap, which was to upload them at Reetika's house. Which wasn't very effective but eventually worked. (Phewww ;o)

But at least power director worked there. I managed to almost finish editting Scene 5 (not including subtitles)

Prob need to go to her house tomorrow or tuesday to finish scene 5 plus to scene 9. Feel burdened and burdening to Reetika and her family for invading so many times. Err.

i wonder what class im going to be in next year. and who my classmates will be. and whether i'll still keep in touch with the other old classmates. and whether we'll still remember each otherrrr.

I always have scary feeling that people forget me easily. So it really makes my day when random people can remember from church or something, no kidding!

I guess its my phobia? Is there such a thing?

I OFFICIALLY HATE DROPBOXXXXXX. TO THE VERYVERYVERY MAX.

WASTE SO MUCH OF MY TIME

AND ENERGY

I SPENT PRACTICALLY THE WHOLE DAY ON THAT DAMN THING

):

On a side note, I'm sorry for being being ineffectively vague in my rants about friends and stuff. I hope you understand that I was probably just really mad-in-the-moment and not actually mad at you k? I  think you're weird but I like this weird. You are nice and I hope we continue our friendship even though we're prob not gonna be in the same class next yearrrr. Boooo ♥

ILOVEMYCSIGROUPMATESSSSS♥ (even though I'm always snappish and everything)

#talknormallytomeagainpleaseee?

TODAY WAS. AMAZZZINGGGG ♥

Kekekekekeke :B Okay I'll split today into 3 segments.

1) Filming
2) Piano (urgh)
3) Chuch

Filming was pretty okay I guess. Of course I did get really annoyed at some points.
You weren't too bad today except for the part you bana evin kilitli (Okay I didn't want to write it in English cos you prob would find out who I'm talking about so I wrote it in another language. Happy deciphering. Actually you can easily find out what I wrote. But it takes energy translating  yeah? And hopefully you just heck it D<<<<. Did you know I actually was annoyed/ pissed? Well, I'm just telling you how I felt: Hurt, disturbed.


But other times you're soooo concerned for me which makes me like you again. Wtheckkkkkk O< I don't know what to think of you.
Its like Gahhhhh. :/ 


2) Piano


Okay this is prob. gonna bore you but ya I had 2 back-to-back theory classes. Wanted to puke, but didn't. Hahha It was boring but not thaaaaaat bad luh. Okay who am I kidding, it sucked O;


3) Church 


zomg today was pretty good/ useful. We had a potluck at first. Thanks to my superherooish mummy who made fishballs and sausages! Goshhhh everyone took so much of the food I brought. Ohhh and I brought coke toooo! I had nothing left after the potluck. Everything gone! That's what I like, we ate everything up! So nice of us yeah? Hahah
Ohh we had this German family visiting. I wasn't very hospitable but sorry I was tireddddd ); I hope they enjoyed themselves cos today's session was pretty good! (: Sam was kept saying that what he was presenting was dry and uninteresting but I actually quite liked it. It was WOW. Okay here's what I learnt:


1)Systemic Change vs. Systematic Change
Systemic change is addressing the problem by the root and not on the superficial basis. As vincentians, we want to help those who suffer in poverty not on a level where we are not addressing the problem but where we can actually help improve their lives. What is poverty? No, you probably got it wrong (like how I did at first) Its not all about being underpriveledged or poor. There's way more to it. Look around you. There's definitely someone suffering from poverty. Poverty can be suffering from loneliness, racism, isolation all these things we overlook and consider unimportant. They want to solve problems not by just assuming all poverty cases are - "in-need-of-money-cases" Kind of thing yknow? Its not that the help they need is money. Cmon of course people donate all the time. Money is not what they really need. 


Here's the cycle we learnt. It goes like this:


Money- Food- Health - Education- Jobs - Money (cycle repeats)


So essentially, what is meant is that if you don't have money, chances are we can't eat properly, having a balanced meal with healthy food. Poor dieting results in poor health which will be affected. Once you're ill/ struck with an illness, you prob can't concentrate in your studies and you're chances in getting a good job will just crash down. Resulting in no money. So the help needed in not money but try to get to the base of the prob. 


Really cool man what he shared with us. I was like wowowowow inside man srsly. 


wtbhoie.mtagnikooluoywas
ownkdnaire'uoygniogoslamifieesotgniyrt


sxyobey.


Okay go decipher it if you care enough. Real personal feelingssssss. 


Heheh

#♥

today was. errrrr

omgggggggkphst. Annoyed again. Grrrr. I feel sorry for my blog. I only post when I get real annoyed or angry and I don't post happy things, which is bad. So that I must changeeee. (:

Anyway I am so confused/ disappointed/ cheated of my opinions/ hurt at you. Turns out you're not what I thought you were. I am so upset now.

I hate this feeling because upon reflection I realised why you have been acting differently recently. You wanted to use me.

#detpecxetonygolopa I'll delete this post I think

so annoyed right now.

grrrr you practically scolded me okay. you're not my mum kay -.- (okay here's me being immature, but srsly, I was annoyed okay?)

And I try my best not to show my emotions to please others.
What's the point confiding in someone who doesn't even treat you right.
I thought you were different now I know you're just as bad, so I'll stick to my real friends

Tyvm.

); Sorry to hurt anyone. If you're reading this and are thinking its you. just don't. Its probably not.

#i-need-to-chill